This Tune-up Series will be geared at parents, parents-to-be, or people who want to be parents one day. Honestly, anyone who reads this blog will learn something, be it others or themselves. Though I do many episodes for parents on the podcast, it is always nice to have something concrete to go off of that can easily be referenced. Today, we will be talking about the many parenting styles.
One of the first questions I ask myself is if there is a perfect parenting style. I have cared for my son for the past four months since my live-in mother-in-law moved out, but it has been a breeze. When my mother-in-law was in town, I would come home from the gym or the office and see her stressed out, tired, or one of many other negative emotions or states of mind that made me think my son was difficult to handle. Lo and behold, he is a piece of cake for me. Not only is he a dream to manage, but he is easy to teach, which my mother-in-law failed to do.
I know many parents, and in my case grandparents, who would try to sit the kid down in front of a television or phone and expect them to be good, but that is not how kids learn. In the near future, I will create something on how children learn and the different methodologies that can be used to educate the youth. Nonetheless, if you are a parent who wants to refine and redefine your parenting styles to be more in line with how you want to show up in the world and how you want your children to develop, this will be for you.
Parenting is a journey filled with joys, challenges, and endless choices. One of the parents’ most significant decisions is the style and philosophy they adopt in raising their children. Various parenting styles and philosophies have emerged over the years, each with its unique approach and principles. Below, we will explore different parenting styles and philosophies, such as attachment parenting, positive discipline, authoritative parenting, permissive parenting, uninvolved parenting, helicopter parenting, free-range parenting, spiral parenting, tiger parenting, and natural parenting, to help you make informed choices on your parenting journey.
Parenting Styles
- Attachment Parenting
Key Principles:
- Responding promptly to a baby’s needs, such as feeding, comforting, and changing diapers.
- Co-sleeping or sharing a room with the baby.
- Babywearing to keep the baby close.
- Avoiding harsh discipline methods in favor of gentle guidance.
- Positive Discipline
Key Principles:
- Setting clear boundaries and expectations.
- Using positive reinforcement, such as praise and rewards, to encourage good behavior.
- Problem-solving and conflict resolution through open communication.
- Avoiding punitive measures like yelling or spanking.
- Authoritative Parenting
Key Principles:
- Setting clear rules and expectations while being flexible and understanding.
- Providing emotional support and encouragement.
- Encouraging open communication and active listening.
- Using constructive consequences for misbehavior rather than punishment.
- Permissive Parenting
Key Characteristics:
- Lenient and indulgent parenting style.
- Tends to avoid strict rules and discipline.
- Highly responsive to children’s desires, sometimes lacking boundaries.
- Uninvolved Parenting
Key Characteristics:
- Disengaged and neglectful parenting style.
- Provides basic necessities but lacks emotional involvement and support.
- Can have detrimental effects on a child’s emotional and social development.
- Helicopter Parenting
Key Characteristics:
- Overly involved and protective parenting style.
- Hovers over children, micromanages activities, and shields from challenges.
- May hinder a child’s ability to become independent and self-reliant.
- Free-Range Parenting
Key Characteristics:
- Encourages independence and self-sufficiency in children.
- Gives children more freedom and responsibility from a young age.
- Aims to foster resilience and problem-solving skills.
- Spiral Parenting
Key Characteristics:
- Flexible and adaptive parenting approach.
- Recognizes that parenting strategies may need to change over time.
- Prioritizes responsiveness and adapting to children’s changing needs.
- Tiger Parenting
Key Characteristics:
- Strict discipline, high expectations, and a strong focus on achievement.
- Associated with intense pressure on children to excel academically and in extracurricular activities.
- Can lead to high achievement but may also result in stress and burnout.
- Natural Parenting
Key Characteristics:
- Emphasizes a holistic and instinctual approach to child-rearing.
- Includes practices such as natural childbirth, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and using natural or organic products.
- Prioritizes a close connection to nature and the environment in parenting.
Looking at these parenting styles can be a lot to take in, but while you were reading some of these, you might have resonated with some more than others. Though there are different styles of parenting. Understand that you do not have to pick only one style to run with. You can mix and match, and take away some of the best characteristics from one style and apply it to another style.
Each of these parenting styles and philosophies has its merits and potential drawbacks. Ultimately, the best approach may vary depending on your child’s unique personality, your family dynamics, and your cultural values. Self-reflection, observing your child, seeking guidance, and blending styles are essential steps to help you choose the right parenting style for your family. Nonetheless, your parenting style should resonate with you, and not be faked or replicated because you see a friend or family member with a different style and they have well-behaved and mannered children.
It is important to understand that the children you are developing are a reflection of you as a parent. With that being said, we have to look back at our childhood to see how we grew up, so we can understand how children grow and learn. Yes, I understand you do not want them climbing on the sofa and playing football in the house, but as a child, we did things that tested our parent’s patience on several occasions. This is where the beauty and stress of parenting come in because one day, we will long for the days we have a child running around in the house. That is why grandparenting is such a rewarding experience. We can cherish the moments again without remorse.
One other thing we must understand about these styles is that they are dynamic. You might use one style when your child is young, a different style when they are teens in the informative years, and another style when they are adults. As they grow and mature, so should our parenting styles.
You might have also noticed that some styles seem overly negative and not helpful to a child’s development, like Uninvolved Parenting and sometimes Tiger Parenting, but even these styles have their place. Though these might not help the child or the parent, they create an example of this parenting style for other parents. For example, if you see a parent with an uninvolved parenting style, so does every other parent in the vicinity. This will help you reflect upon your style choice of parenting and make any modifications so your child doesn’t grow up in that environment. We, too, can learn from other people’s failures and wisdom and adjust to suit the outcome we want.
It might seem like you are abandoning a child, but the ratio improves with time. That child will learn from that parenting style because it is something they lack and desire, and they will want to ensure their children get a better lifestyle than they did. Yes, these children, now adults, might need therapy to look at some past unresolved traumas and hardships, but it will make them a better person after they do the work. Remember, we are not perfect; we can only learn from our experiences and failures and adjust them toward something better.
There is no perfect style or one you should start with or choose first. I have my favorites, but just because they are mine doesn’t mean they should be yours or will work for your unique situation. This is why getting some coaching to help identify your style as a parent will not only have a positive impact on your life but on each of your children’s lives, too. The concept is that to build the best children, we must have the key factors for learning and growth present. Those factors include presence, awareness, expectations, consistency, and credibility.
Parenting is a dynamic and evolving journey; there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Exploring various parenting styles and philosophies can provide valuable insights and tools to help you navigate the beautiful maze of parenthood. Whether you choose attachment parenting, positive discipline, authoritative parenting, or one of the other styles discussed here, the key is to cultivate a loving, nurturing, and respectful environment that allows your child to thrive and grow into a confident, well-adjusted individual.
Until then,
Michael Rearden
Founder of Reven Concepts
